"With Hope" by Steven Curtis Chapman is a song of the promise and hope of Heaven woven in with the bittersweet pain and questions that we deal with when losing a loved one. My precious Uncle Dale has been battling brain cancer for over a year now. It has been a long roller coaster of a journey in so many different ways for my family and I. Uncle Dale's health has been steadily decreasing for months now, and he is at the end of his life here on earth. Sometimes I feel like I have experienced the whole spectrum of human emotions throughout all of this. One thing that I have found myself desperately clinging to again and again was the hope of eternity. By no means is this "the end" for my uncle. It's the beginning of eternal life with God, the ultimate prize. Uncle Dale will soon be face to face with God. So incredible. I've struggled through this with so many different questions. God, why did this have to happen to my uncle? God, why does it feel as though my family is being bombarded on every side with something? God, why can't Uncle Dale's cancer just go away and he be healed here on earth? God, why... I don't think it's wrong to ask questions at all, and I feel that as humans it's our nature to question. But one thing that I've really been challenged on is this: can I be content without receiving an answer, or without receiving the answer that I want? I serve a God who isn't obligated to explain His thoughts or actions to me in any way. And the suffering of this world is not in vain. Romans 8:18 says, "For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us." Countless times in the Bible we are reminded to focus on the eternal, because what is transient does not last. Seriously, read that verse again and let it sink in for a minute. The best is yet to come. When we are fearful, trust more. Pray more. Rely on God, because He's the only one who is dependable 100% of the time. He's always there. And He has control of the situation. That's something that I constantly have to remind myself. Mark 9:23-24 talks about the unbelief of the father of a child who had an unclean spirit. The father cries out, "I believe; help my unbelief!" The father both acknowledged his unbelief as well as the fact that he could not do it on his own. This is one thing that I feel that God has really been breaking me of this semester. I can't do things on my own. I'm a mess. So why not give my life over to the One who has the most beautiful plan possible that will ultimately bring Him glory. My life is absolutely nothing without Christ. Nothing of worth whatsoever. It doesn't matter that I'm not perfect. In Hebrews 11 all the heroes of faith were so messed up. But they believed in a God far bigger than themselves and their situations. One of my close friends Jonny said to me tonight, "Our faith is dependent on what God can do through us or for us, not on what we on our own strength can do for Him. That's the beauty of faith, trusting in God even when we don't understand and when we don't have enough strength to trust in Him like we should."
Lord, help my unbelief.
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